i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
