Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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