Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
