I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize