i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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