Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
