Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
