i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize