Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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