your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize