I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
