Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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