just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
