Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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