We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
