Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
