Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
