I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
