what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
