My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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