Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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