oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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