after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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