Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
