i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
