If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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