I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize