If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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