shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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