I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
