it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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