Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
