I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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