Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
being pregnant is like rehab
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
