you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize