So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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