isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
