I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
