Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
