I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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