i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
