at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
