Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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