Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize