Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
