Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
