You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
