It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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