he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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