I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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