I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
