Got a toothbrush?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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