It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
