At least make sure they are 18
Why
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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