I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
These tits shall not be calmed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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