Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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