He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
