How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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