how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
