He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
