Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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