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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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