I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
