I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize