I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
