I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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