Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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