He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
