she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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