I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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