I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
