Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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