Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
