if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
