I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
