The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
